pieces of me.

time to depart.

2012-01-28T04:30:00.002+08:00

goodbye?

*head down praying this is untrue.

god, u know what i deserve best despite our disagreement.

just please let me be strong enough to accept it.

*prays.

how is it any different ?

2012-01-22T15:39:00.003+08:00

just like it was new,

but slightly more convincing

yet still remain the same.

if it was not yesterday then today was not going to be and the future is nobody's to say.

oh how uncertainty kills.

you deserve more than the world.

2011-11-22T07:29:00.004+08:00

Maybe it is time to struggle.

Maybe this is how success shine.

Maybe, just maybe.

future, please be nice.

thank you.

attached stranger.

2011-10-26T17:47:00.002+08:00

no need for a profound establishment,

but enough to satisfy time.

one and only one.

2011-10-23T23:32:00.001+08:00

disappeared in the comfort of others,

despise every second of it.

I do only ME.

same feeling, different lad.

2011-10-23T21:00:00.003+08:00

hello old tangy feelings,

why do you appear again?

i donthavetimeforthisdreadfulwhimsically feel.

occupy my time, world. feel my mind, thoughts.

I seek you when I know there is nobody else, and for this I am sorry.

2011-10-13T07:17:00.003+08:00

have I not been more careless,

now would not be laughing at me

like an idiot starring blankly.

Dear god, help me. Make it okay.

PLEASE?

if I can wish for one, I wish My Father the world.

2011-10-10T08:51:00.005+08:00

if every word I say or think is a word of a prayer,

oh dear god, please listen to this for this is the most vital request one shall ask for.

I know I have not been a good servant nor a good daughter,

but please dear god, know that my little black dotted heart is a heart full of remorse and love for you and the family.

I only ask for one thing, please dear god, ease the pain and burden of my father for he is a man that never dies of trying and for now I am in no account of repaying his gracious love.

I seek you my lord, for you are capable to give of more than one can ask for.

Please oh please, ease the burden he has.

I beg of you.

breaking rules is not mandatory but playing by the rule is not a choice.

2011-10-08T06:30:00.006+08:00

to sit and ponder the hows and the whys,

logic becomes a reason emotions are put aside.

but a strong feeling kills every reasoning made.

how can one survive such a delicate cruel life?

the bitter sweet of the end.

2011-10-08T06:26:00.003+08:00

is it when you lose is the end?

because surely winning never seem to last long.

at least not long enough to say the end is a sweeter tale.

is this a mistake of a crushed future?

2011-10-08T06:24:00.001+08:00

it is when you fight with a lie, you will always end up losing.

sorry is a bit too late, hoping it turns better.

but the result in mind is nothing but the worst.

the stream of tears is a prayer and a wish you were here.

2011-08-30T21:13:00.003+08:00

to lose someone is like a part of you has been ripped off,

and to not have my mother around is a wound I try to heal each day.

A friend lost his father due to cancer, a battle where the end off is in the hand of God.

Datuk Mohd Razif Abd Kadir was indeed a treasure to the world.

May you rest in peace and condolence to the family.

a joke behind the mask.

2011-08-30T20:41:00.003+08:00

its a laughing state of absurdity when the known is silently idiotic

because

its when deep down you do not really know who you are,

is the saddest part.

plain nuisance.

2011-08-06T14:45:00.002+08:00

no, not again. never again.

a repetitive act of one sided judgement.

no, not again. never again.

if great is greater than greatest, this is not my path.

if one can ever be sum up by many.

2011-08-06T14:27:00.003+08:00

not a soul to lean for its too fragile.

in stitching vulnerability, credulity blinded with hopes.

take a step. make a leap.

2011-08-06T14:25:00.001+08:00

believe and surround with believes.

the world is yours.

am i delusional?

2011-08-06T14:22:00.002+08:00

a question to answer remains silently questionable,

yet one feels like the only answer will only be another question.

if ever the question itself is an answer, why has it been a tad bit misleading?

in senses i make no sense.

2011-08-06T14:17:00.002+08:00

long gone the days when inner worth is relevant,

as the irrelevance of the shell signifies the one behind the mask.

behind your pretentious fame.

2011-07-11T02:25:00.001+08:00

to say yes is to agree.

and no, is my answer.

my say is yours to say.

2011-07-10T19:34:00.002+08:00

my sealed body kills my shouting soul,

salute to the patriots that fought to clean.

stop the ignorance, its time to listen.

2.0

to keep calm and ...

2011-06-22T11:21:00.003+08:00

never will serenity be a composition of an unified elemental chain.

of anger and frustration, in steady one awaits.

to turn right while the arrows are pointing left.

2011-06-22T11:15:00.002+08:00

avoiding a similar trait leads to a dis pair of conversion synonym.

to be or not is no longer the question

but to let it be is rather the answer.

if making sense is sensible enough it will be common sense.

2011-06-22T10:04:00.002+08:00

incarnating senses.

to twist around emotions and cleansing the mind.

shall the soul be prepare or shall it stay in doubt?

not the barrier of language when symbolization is key.

2011-06-22T09:18:00.001+08:00

the missing (__)

is the indication of

mystery.

nor it will die, the hopes and dreams, for it is memories to be.

2011-06-22T09:14:00.002+08:00

never to ask a compensation of smile

but always end to be a pleasing toy.

when the want becomes a mere obligation.

2011-06-22T09:06:00.002+08:00

to let alone cover the path

yet lonesome becomes an obstacle

for to be one is an image of fatigue.

you create whats mine, concealling self righteous.

2011-06-22T08:43:00.003+08:00

not the association that keeps it real

but the knowing that it is an absolute self.

purest joy endless right.

reaching for the star feels like a downfall.

2011-06-22T08:33:00.004+08:00

disgracefully ashamed by the jumping joy inside.

cursing the ongoing grin.

how is reaching a dream not satisfaction?

(overtaken by fear)

conflicting ideas towards self pride.

2011-05-08T01:43:00.003+08:00

fancy a glass of intelligence?

alliance to consumption?

but a shot of unconformity,

goodbye, affection.

letter to the other side.

2011-05-08T01:39:00.003+08:00

mother,

let it be a distance touch but never a lost sense of bond.

i have missed you and continue missing you each day.

wish you are in the clouds of wonder

and perhaps the day will come when we are allowed to sit and have tea together again.

I love you.

your dearest first child,

deeply missing you. x

the desire of coherence, an association of celebration.

2011-05-01T08:43:00.003+08:00

yet again,

i raise the glass to another year of wisdom

and a faith as time goes by,

the gap to you becomes a mere obstacle

and we shall be toasting glasses.

Happy Birthday Wesley Wales Anderson.

the year will come where we shall celebrate together.

to drag the scared soul, then to stay and be ignorantly void.

2011-04-27T15:18:00.004+08:00

if the redness circulating my life is of untrustworthy and full of secrecy ,

to no one i owe a reason to be in state.

filling the bottom half.

2011-04-27T09:44:00.002+08:00

an explorer of an ongoing question.

the constant tune of oneself.

an act of silent glorification.

2011-04-27T08:43:00.004+08:00

twas an impression of another , the husking talent is a triumph.

for each of its own.

(to thee i shall say, be joyous of what it may be)

* the sea inside.

2011-04-27T07:39:00.003+08:00

if the termination of being is certain, to what pleasure does the present existing imply?

resting the eyes, is not optional.

hello again old age, another goodbye to bid for a wasted day of empty celebration.

2011-04-27T03:29:00.007+08:00

seek the wisdom of perfection, one turns to find absence waving vividly.

starring into space, one realize the vagueness of reality.

as the naked eyes reveal a sense of crave, a touch of belonging and a rendition of ecstasy,

another momentous day bluntly vanished in a blink of an eye.

* brainwashed by the society's attempt of individual misery. (1-0)

of nin and dickens, ill be the wallace of waldo emerson.

2011-04-24T21:44:00.003+08:00

to venture in the world of literacy,

a quest of undying knowledge.

to conquer an inner commotion.

in seeking, i found.

2011-04-24T21:42:00.001+08:00

i know of what iv become.

i know of what iv created.

i know me.

( Poetic Conceptual Artist )

is/will be

the echo of my name.

when egoism takes over, stupidity is visible.

2011-03-04T11:35:00.001+08:00

arrogantly in denial.

inadequacy.

2011-03-04T11:29:00.001+08:00

inspiration of the soul, a disable of the mind,a harm to commotion.

to be or not to be

2011-03-04T11:26:00.002+08:00

that is the question.

have faith, take risk and keep resourcing.

change is mandatory. action is necessary.

angst loving and in control.

2011-03-04T11:13:00.002+08:00

i feed on anger.

i live for misery.

i die for happiness.

for i crave emptiness.

spot the difference.

2011-02-21T03:16:00.003+08:00

genuine and sincere.

never a mistake.

never a lie.

never fake.

scarred emotions.

2011-02-21T01:49:00.001+08:00

a never ending wound keeps bleeding but the pain is numb.

the ego booster.

2011-02-21T01:36:00.001+08:00

narcissism eats me alive, and its okay.

theft of inception.

2011-02-21T01:26:00.002+08:00

the tendency of anger in the great fear of being robbed idealistically .

replacement of an ignorant fact.

2011-02-21T01:19:00.003+08:00

the obsolete feeling is anonymously profound to the universe.

necessity is faith.

2011-02-21T01:14:00.003+08:00

history will help, but believing is mandatory.

chase the dream,make it reality.

2011-02-21T01:10:00.001+08:00

of thinking highly shall never make a difference when actions are not testified.

losing touch.

2011-02-21T00:35:00.002+08:00

like cycling on a strand of thread.

even a rope will suffice.

yet unknowingly produced.

promises are not always sincere.

2011-02-21T00:25:00.003+08:00

fake the smile, keep the silent jealousy and lets be pretentious..

thats just the way it is yes?

taken by depth, gone by width.

2011-02-21T00:13:00.002+08:00

long gone from the surface.

into the deep.

obligation is no longer obliged.

it goes less each day but

2011-02-20T06:45:00.003+08:00

gives a little more each day.

changes kill me when losing u becomes an affecting scar.

2011-01-23T04:35:00.002+08:00

mummy, i miss you.

i need you.

no, am not okay.

if only you can read this and call.

if only.

if its a word u need, well it will only be this...

2011-01-16T19:32:00.000+08:00

STAY.

break me in the loveliest way possible. i dare you.

2011-01-16T10:14:00.001+08:00

in craving the common ground, discreetly.

sometimes, words are not what am looking for.

2011-01-16T10:12:00.001+08:00

it takes a sentence to argue.

only an action to prove me wrong.

in a riddle u find answer.

2011-01-16T08:28:00.000+08:00

in writing i find serenity.

thats my secret.

i found a reason to write,

2011-01-16T08:26:00.002+08:00

but like life itself,

like the games we play,

its always a hint.

never a finish sentence.

always a comma,

to insert the other half,

one should

always

____(fill in the blank)_____

in defeat to reality.

2011-01-07T14:56:00.002+08:00

gone a part,

creating another want,

losing control.

shattered without breaking.

knowing without discovering.

painful indeed.

(and the timing is just right.)

sigh.

of looking yet unseen.

2010-12-11T07:58:00.001+08:00

long enough to let one go,

and when another comes along an eye shut

and another still ponders.

push away the black spots.

2010-12-02T06:48:00.001+08:00

it wont give justice to the light at the end of the tunnel.

to the light, i toast a drink.

cheers.

in seeking.

2010-10-26T04:43:00.001+08:00

a continuous struggle.

of a silent known.

of constant misconception.

2010-10-26T04:36:00.002+08:00

with no question come no answer.

only a statement.

replacement can be done.

2010-10-26T03:21:00.002+08:00

a glimpse of hope to a longing future.

will it only be a split second or will it stay?

obliged to self-destructive alienation.

2010-10-26T03:13:00.000+08:00

philophobia.

extreme measure best note ever.

2010-10-20T04:37:00.002+08:00

high highs.

euphoric, indeed.

low lows.

a permanent thought marks the x on the brain tangling the wires in the heart.

2010-10-16T22:16:00.003+08:00

maybe this is not the space.

maybe this is not real.

maybe this is me.

maybe.

ran to find nothing is still significant.

2010-10-16T22:07:00.007+08:00

of to a prominent place to seek liberation one still have yet to discover the unknown emptiness.

silence kills the soul.

2010-10-13T07:48:00.002+08:00

to say nothing in avoidance of the jinx fairy.

the smiling grim won a secret battle.

to saying of emptiness.

2010-10-13T07:28:00.003+08:00

a combination of letters can wound a heart so deep it never really heals.

the heat of comfort.

2010-10-13T07:06:00.003+08:00

i seek the warmth of winter.

waiting for the blanket of snow to snuggle.

the autumn smell is losing its grip

like the colors on the leave should do.

why do i have to choose of seasons?

* discreetly telling a fable.

(Hides.)

truth be told nothing is true.

2010-10-04T06:06:00.001+08:00

words are played like misery comes to fade but never fear and smile to a lie told for it was once beautiful.

dont make any promises you cant keep.

2010-08-22T08:29:00.001+08:00

words are powerful.

choose wisely.

try is the best i can do. and i hope i succeed.

2010-08-22T08:25:00.003+08:00

when u want me. i wont stay.

when u need me. i will come.

discreetly known.

2010-08-22T08:14:00.001+08:00

a lesson learned.

a memory gain.

a future built.

u left me when i needed you most.

2010-08-22T08:10:00.003+08:00

you never loved me enough to stay.

so, i walked away.

eventually, it will fade away.

2010-08-22T08:05:00.000+08:00

can pain go away?

NO.

and thats okay.

presuming after so long, you just tumble at the end.

2010-08-22T07:56:00.003+08:00

for once, i chose to not fight.

when you already know its pointless,

you just stop and say okay.

gratitude knows no ending.

2010-08-22T07:52:00.001+08:00

thank you to all and to everything.

thank you.

and you know deep down, am better than you.

2010-08-22T07:25:00.002+08:00

am glad i can be your supply of life time laughing stock.

laugh all you want, that just show how awesome i am.

just remember, god is the ultimate judge.

go ahead, mock me.

am letting you go and goodbye is the only word i know.

2010-08-22T05:27:00.002+08:00

and if i had one last thing to say is that,

i am sorry.

whatever i went through physically and emotionally,

was never your fault.

i chose to feel and act that way.

so i apologies for blaming it all on you.

it was again never your fault.

life goes on.

2010-08-22T05:14:00.003+08:00

you dont have to say everything out loud.

justification is not a necessity.

not to all at least.

let memory lane be the only road taken.

2010-08-22T04:55:00.003+08:00

if so it is true. let it be.

because i deserve better.

and no, i wont settle for anything less.

why do i feel you know me too well?

2010-08-22T04:08:00.004+08:00

in denial, i know.

maybe, no leads to memories.

hhmm.

took me awhile to realise the spending amount.

2010-08-19T07:49:00.001+08:00

money. so crucial.

help.god.please.

sigh.

can the years go by and tell a tale? we shall wait.

2010-08-17T21:14:00.002+08:00

ticky tocky tock tock

time is running out.

or maybe, its just begun.

and as the year goes by, i still wait for that day.

maybe its an illusion,

but it keeps me smiling.

let hate be my only love.

2010-08-17T00:11:00.002+08:00

my heart is burning. i dont like it.

putting my guard down is highly ranked in my dislikes.

will not make room for anymore absurdity.

when hatred rules the heart. the brain will die.

2010-08-16T22:25:00.001+08:00

POSITIVE THINKING IS GOOD.

*note to self. repeat infinitely.

tag along or au revoir i say.

2010-08-16T22:15:00.003+08:00

I DO NOT ADAPT. I DO NOT WANT TO FIT IN.

I WANT TO LIVE THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE.

end of discussion.

the heartache in hell is what i deserve. not here.

2010-08-13T22:00:00.002+08:00

if reality is not my place to be, why cant u take me away like you did of my mother?

i rather see her than see anyone else.

we may not have the best mother-daughter relationship,

i may not be her favorite child,

i may not have made her proud

but am damn sure,

i'll have a decent conversation that somewhat will comfort my soul.

or maybe this is all an illusion.

i just need to know, why dont u take me away like you did to her?

i know i dont deserve to be at the place where she is at now,

but god, if hell was worst than here,

let it be.

at least i know, i deserve something.

unstable faith.

2010-08-13T21:53:00.005+08:00

i know am no psychic and the future is not a story i can narrate but nonetheless, something i can plan yet again not everything planned will come true however eventually some might say, the things planned is gained one way another just the path might differ a detour some might say but at the end we get what we need and we want and all we have to do is look deeper.

too be honest God, i really dont know what to believe in anymore.

everything seems to be rather vague and pretentious.

maybe if i had you here now, everything would be easier.

2010-08-13T21:38:00.002+08:00

things will definitely be different if you were still alive.

but then thats the story i will never find out.

as human, i cant help to want the things i cant have.

because reality is just not the place for me.

not then, not now not ever.

every word proved.

2010-08-08T00:08:00.003+08:00

THANK YOU FOR NOT BEING THE (insert word)I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED.

you dont deserve my love and concern as how i dont deserve this heartache from you.

but god has a plan for me, so i vow to pass his obstacles but my heart is no longer available for you.

now you are just an obligation.

routine kills the imagination cells.

2010-08-05T04:02:00.003+08:00

two weekends that is filled with inspiring work. one half down. another to go.

its the weekdays that kill the inspiration.

of making it written, an idea lost.

believe stronger.

*eyes shut. make a wish.

not a day goes by without me being awkwardly insane.

2010-07-30T08:53:00.002+08:00

being goofy in public, can u handle that?

pavilion,28 july 2010.

and when i die alone. i hope i smile with a big heart.

2010-07-21T01:50:00.001+08:00

i write here because reality does not provide time for real people's ears.

very unfortunate indeed.

sorry is not enough. its only the beginning.

2010-07-21T01:40:00.002+08:00

nobody stays nobody listen because to be honest nobody cares.

the little moments shared with others are just an act of self comforting.

because frankly people are just too scared to be alone.

for the obstacles are just too much for one can take.

prove me wrong and i will defeat you in the debate.

but please do try.

life does not come with a manual. its created by its own.

2010-07-12T20:24:00.002+08:00

the problem with clarifying emotions are that at the end your obligated to certain expectation.

so save the heartache and please make sure YOU ARE FUCKING SURE of what your emotions might be and that your willingness to obliged yourself to the circumstances that come along with it.

hesitation is a doubtful reaction to am not ready.

2010-07-12T20:17:00.004+08:00

just because one is biologically bonded to another, that does not mean one accepts one or another or ' love' one another as how one should.

the problem with Family is, it becomes an obligation when communication does not go both way.

and when a thing becomes an obligation the 'love' is debatable for one is not fully satisfied.

so dont start a family if you know at the end you will end up justifying your every action.

Family is suppose to be beautiful but yet we who created such definition are proving ourself wrong.

what a shame.