Gorgeous Mess.

C'est Qill.

BONJOUR.

i am a freak. a delicate one.

nice to meet u.

Thursday, April 30, 2009,11:57 PM

pissed off.

if its a NO just say it.

last minute answers are just fucked up!

and next time im gonna go watch movies ALONE.

thank u.

( cursing).

Wednesday, April 29, 2009,11:33 PM

two sides.

dont let go of the opportunities coming ur way.

take that risk.

bcos u'll only know once u walked down that road.

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN - might just be the sunshine in your life.

as one might have said

" never judge a book by its cover"

wish i gave that person a chance. :(

2:48 PM

guessing game.

the confusion is the satisfaction.

and thats the reason why its worth it in the end.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009,12:17 AM

better catch.

strangers and not so strangers can construct exhilarating emotions.

life is good and very much interesting.

enlighted.

Sunday, April 26, 2009,11:17 PM

the hidden facts.

life has its own cocky ways of working things.

the personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself.

generally everything is so similiar yet so different.

full of suprises.

*_*

9:37 PM

improved and more desirable taste.

what do you do when the drugs dont seem to please u no more?

u wish for a better remedy.

5:33 AM

healing takes time.

and when i plan and hope it always crush me down harshly everytime it happens.
but i am very much glad everything turn out fine.
it reduces the pain at least for now.

i dont mind. cos its better den nothing.

*fake a smile*

Saturday, April 25, 2009,5:52 AM

useless.

my heart is cursing so bad that it overshadows the tiny little part crying for help.

maybe its the other way round.

yes? no?

i wish this is schoolwork, where i know i will forget.

immediately.

F>U>C>K

5:31 AM

mr.positive - please.

i need you oh my late night texter. i really do.

i miss you so much.

im sorry if my second last message was such a twaddle.

but my last message is oh so true.

i do miss you.

text me back, please.

im sorry.i need you.please.

(i wanna smile again- i need to smile again.)

5:10 AM

a closed chapter.

knowing helps. even it hurts so bad.its worth it.

im glad i can still smile.

genuinely.

Friday, April 24, 2009,1:38 PM

fantasy a pleaser? NOT.

the colourful dream i had turns dark.

for now it seems so unsure and unreal.

why oh why must it be so bemused?

Thursday, April 23, 2009,5:35 PM

a picture for the day.

narcissism is me.

knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.

~Aristotle~

2:29 AM

lips sealed. heart locked.

the heart knows, the mind conceives - of the words unspoken.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009,5:46 PM

cant hardly wait.

my heart beats faster waiting for the weekend to arrive.

let time fly as fast as my heart beats.

and let the weekend be everything i am imagining it to be.

please and thank you.

and to love is a great feeling.

but to be in love is a wonderful feeling.

4:57 PM

love is in the air.

im falling in love all over again.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009,7:27 PM

shut up and lets go.

final is over.

i wish i studied more.

owh wtv.

its over and done with.

now, lets party.

im ready.

hell ya!

too many things in my mind.

i want it all out.

party on bitches. im here.

Monday, April 20, 2009,5:58 PM

untitled.

im just not feeling it.

mood is gone.

sigh.

Thursday, April 16, 2009,12:49 AM

kiss another semester goodbye.

final is so very soon. three days to be exact.

crap.

im not sure if im ready.

no.

i am NOT ready.

fine, i got three days to get my head back in the game( so HSM).

everything else go away, my mind is pack with numbers dis weekend.

ok, now study.

c u in three days.

p/s : not so keen of ending the semester. :(

Wednesday, April 15, 2009,9:08 PM

engaging into reality.

it seems blurry.

thats how it looks like from where i am standing.

time will tell you everything.

i promise you that.

i am ready.

i think.

1:07 PM

I hate this part.

i dont want to miss you.
its not worth it.
i know ur doing fine without me.
so why should i bother.

im so confused.

i dont want to think of you anymore. what should i do?

GOD, help me.

12:58 AM

cos ur always on my mind.

it may be fine but i know it will be better with you.
i miss you.
text me.
sigh.

:( sadly, true.

12:22 AM

yet i still smile.

sometimes its just too good too be true.

and it sucks when it happens right when you are really happy.

it hurts so bad.

but ill manage.

i always do.

i miss you so much. :'(

Tuesday, April 14, 2009,7:00 PM

i love you shuada.i really do.

blog title -words dont do you justice was posted to tell you how much u mean to me.

i care for you.

i need you to trust me.

i am here for you.

i know it hurts so much at this point and ur feeling so sick of everything.

i know bcos i went thru it myself.

i still am.

but i believe in the better life.

trust me when i say i want you there with me.

please shu, i love you and it hurts me seeing you like this.

it hurts deeply.

~cries.

talk to me.please.im begging.please.

6:07 PM

my life is doing fine without you.

i am doing great now.

i am happy.

i still think about you.

but i get hyped over others as well.

two in particular.

but my love for you is still the same.

but perhaps its fading away.

but i know that will take time.

bcos im so fond of you.

but i thank god, i can still smile.

i love the fact that my heart is healing.

i love it very much.

excited.

i am just very happy. i am. n im enjoying every second of it.

* super massive smile *

Sunday, April 12, 2009,10:19 PM

Huh? what? Lost.im sure.

and sometimes i wonder if my heart really wants you or the idea of you in my head?

but whatever it is i knew you made me feel 'something'.

perplexed on the outcomes.

9:41 PM

my heart needs you. i want you.

you cant buy happiness. it shines from the inside. glows from love ones.

i miss you.

i cry all nite and you dont even know.

but you are the only one i want to cry on.

please?

and everytime i post a blog about you. i wish i could spell out your name.

but i wont bcos i know dats just stupid.

cos im not suppose to love you at the first place.

and everytime i write about you.

i question my feeling for you.

bcos den another name knocks on the door of my heart.

*smile*

da other person keeps me smiling.

and i like the other person very much.

but bcos of you, i let the other person go.

is dat even fair while ur da one hurting me?

tell me what im suppose to do.

bcos only GOD knows how much im confused.

6:28 AM

good times never fades away.

late evening of 11 april 2009 + very early morning of 12 april 2009 = i am happy.

thank you all.

I L.O.V.E you

6:19 AM

if only you know.

i dont know why i even bother thinking about it.

if only my heart listens to my brain.

i wont be writing this little pathetic post

sigh.

not a good sign.

help?

Friday, April 10, 2009,6:30 PM

call me crazy for loving you.

YES! geeks are hot and beauty arent dumb!

its so adorable seeing the two of them.

the sweetest thing.

now where is my geek?

( Nate Dern and Jennylee Berns -no it didnt last.what a pity.sigh)

and it reminds me of him.

6:03 PM

everything shatters in a blink of an eye.

is doubting the things and people around you normal?

and wonders if the world is even real?

so tell me,

when the people you care dont realize what they mean to you. what do you do?

in each phase of life we go through nothing hurts more than questioning the love in one's life.

confusion creates unwanted circumstances.

Thursday, April 9, 2009,10:38 PM

my friend sam.

msn chat.

( his personal msg -sometimes the truth is so close, yet it's kept so far away from you)

-qIL- says:
very true sam..ur pm
i like
Truth or Dare? says:
ya =.=
they took the truth and went to Kedah =.=
-qIL- says:
huh?
who la?
ngeng u
y kedah?
further la
Truth or Dare? says:
my gf punya pet puppy
"Truth"
-qIL- says:
haha
ngeng
u
Truth or Dare? says:
(pls dun comment on why she name it that way)
-qIL- says:
haha
ngeng
im guessing ur making dis all up
?
Truth or Dare? says:
errr
no
the puppy got high fever, then got 1 doctor in Kedah
first time i see mus go somewhere far to see a vet =.=
-qIL- says:
rite..im gonna play along ..since i doubt ur telling me the truth cos yes its coming from u
ngee
Truth or Dare? says:
Hmmm
since its not truthful
then
U're so pretty
-qIL- says:
haha
Truth or Dare? says:
OMG, since it came from me, its not the truth
BWAHAHA
-qIL- says:
omg!
im not blonde not to get dat ok!
Truth or Dare? says:
w000t?
har?
eyy
i'm dyed blonde
not natural
so my stupidity came with the blonde hair
not natural, altho i wished it was
-qIL- says:
haha
ngee
wtf
nonsense
i wish i was born wit honey brown nair
hair*
Truth or Dare? says:
=.=
-qIL- says:
sigh
Truth or Dare? says:
just dunk ur hair in honey la
shave off, then shampoo ur hair with Honey
then grow back with HONEY BROWN HAIR
-qIL- says:
haha
ngee
ngok
ngeng u
Truth or Dare? says:
Warning: This package comes with bees

( from a frown, i giggled).

thank you.

10:07 PM

get a life.

and in friendship there is no such competition or jealousy.

so if you want to vie with one another, then lets not be friend.

the last thing i want is a rival between friends.

desperate for attention does not mean you have to impress other.

thats just plain rubbish.

people do change all the time.

if u dont believe.

than ur plain rubbish.

so i think.

however, changing for others is just plain uncool.

even if u think thats the "it" thing.

FYI, its not.

what more when ur showing to the world.

trying to be the IT person.

thats just plain wannabe.

yet never be.

what a shame. :(

9:44 PM

love or hate? u tell me.

im in a state where you dont want to talk to me.

im in a state where my words can hurt you bad.

im in a state where i am cruely disliking you.

im in a state where you can only hate me.

so tell me do you still want to be my friend?

9:37 PM

killing inside like nicotine.

and not all the time the air is clean. so yes, at times i struggle gasping my own oxygen.

9:14 PM

sore loser.

i felt ouch for saying harsh words to you but you prove me u dont deserve my concerns.

i feel sorry for you. and grow up.prank call? what r u 5?

perhaps. im sure a boy of ur age dont complain such thing.

pathetic.

Sunday, April 5, 2009,10:44 AM

noranita yahya~ al-fatihah.

as i was cleaning your grave dis morning,

i recall da time when i spend my morning there crying by your side.

how i miss having you around and daddy miss you even more.

Saturday, April 4, 2009,7:02 PM

what was indeed no longer i hope.

mr.chesnut tree, i really want nothing else but for you to stop fooling around.

thank you.

6:37 PM

the better kind.

5:12 PM

i call it my oxygen.

i breathe of facebook and blogs.

4:40 PM

fantasy came knocking on the door.

assignments are due in two weeks.

test coming in few days.

final is only around the corner.

and yet,

here i am

sitting on the couch,

staring at the laptop,

clicking away into sites

not worrying a shit

of what reality is.

my head is so heavy with voices that gripes reality.

and i dont care.

4:06 PM

eeriness of nature.

2:10 PM

ruthless melancholy

the pain of seeing oneself and hating it is undeniably torturious and awful.
the acheing feeling execute the mind to extreme making oneself dishearten.

in the fear of losing what i had ,i realised i cant lose the things i never have.

but that does not stop me from hoping for what people think are impossible.

my beliefs are strong enough to keep me going.

and i will succeed.