and every time i need a shoulder to cry on. that is when i realise i got nobody to lean on.

every tears shed. was shed alone. and i comfort myself by talking to my greatest love.



GOD, if this is my life for the rest of my time on this earth.. i beg you ALLAH.

take me away.. throw me away in hell for i know i don't deserve your heaven.




i hurt too many people. and it hurt me way too much.

i am scared i cant handle this anymore.

please, ALLAH.

you are doing us all a favour.

at least i wont be hurting no one and no one will be hurt no more.

so please my dear ALMIGHTY,

i beg you.

take me away.
take me away.
take me away.

amin.

go ahead. hate me. ur not the first. no ur not alone. everyone is on ur side. trust me i know.

yes i piss people off. yes i tend to get on people's nerve. yes i am mean. yes i am a fucking bitch.




yes,

i am hot tempered. i know that.

it takes time for me to cool down.

and when i realise what had happened.

i DO apologise.

my words are sincere.

but it never took you the courage to even suck it to my face and say a word.

i maybe the fucked up bitch who piss you off.

but i am also the fucked up bitch who tries to make things up.

so FUCK YOU for not trying. FUCK YOU for being such an egoistic. FUCK YOU.

i have my rights to be pissed off too.

yes.. funny. i have feelings too!



i fucking hate those who know me yet are still mad at me for me being such a bitch.
if you think you know me well enuff than u shud probably now thats my anger talking and i will end up apologizing.
but the fact that u know and u dont speak up kills me inside bcos i just found out no one ever cares.
and all this is just some fucking bullshit lie.

but then,

i got no money + i am already depress..


now what?

( severe depression)

i tot we were shopping buddies.



:'(

no, i hate it.

yes, i know i hurt you all.

fuck. i am sorry.

perhaps you guys are better without me?

i know i am boosting the fire in everyone of you.

i know that i am such a bitch.

yes..i do know what i am doing..

but no.. i don't know why i am doing it.

however i will not use that as an excuse for my corrupted behaviour.

i wish i wasn't alive.

so then everyone of you will live your life with a less burden and misery.

if only you know how much i am hurt by hurting all of you.

sincerely i am sorry.

communicating come in so many form..

texting.chatting. and as the technology expand its wing..facebooking is also considered a sort of "gadget" of communicating.

however lets talk about the old fashion of talking.

yes.my favourite thing to do of all time.talking.

you see..talking comes in a lot of forms..there is

speaking softly like how you are suppose to be in the library...althou im sure librarians prefer you to hush up once ur in the library. how r we suppose to discuss? perhaps discussion room shud help solve that?


den ders dis shouting or some wud prefer to call it yelling..yes.most of us do so when we fight.but there are also those who yell for help. but den again dont u think every yell is a sound of help.cos when ur fighting u yell louder so that the other person listen to you? some sort of calling for help dont you think?

( this is so running out of topic..my mind is saying something else,my hand is writing something else. heh? )

irony.yup? -making a statement regarding my previous post of cos. :)

well..

in a nutshell, every kind of communication with or without technology tells us a story or a message. and yes of cos text messages count.duh!


therefore

as the receiver we have a choice of how to interpret such information.


in general.. there's good or bad.

but in a more sort of abstract way.. there's always good and bad.


get what i mean?

you know how twitter goes whatcha doing?

well..msn goes how r ya?

yes? no?

i vote oui.

anyhow.dats not my argumentative post is about.

straight to the point.

what do u answer if one ask if ur ok? no, not when ur actually fine and great.
but when ur sad,moodless or just plain no good.

do u go fine n loose the smiley face?

or

u fake it and say im fine.thank you with the smiley face?

you see the problem of answering this very simple question but yet need a whole lot of thinking is the fact how far or how deep u want the other person ( who basically asked the question of cos ) to know of your condition.

if i tell you i am not ok. ull ask me y. den ill have to answer you. if i say nothing.you'll go r u sure? den ill have to tell you everything.

problem is

1.im not sure if you wanna listen.
2.maybe you just ask how r you bcos its a way to start a conversation.
3. cos iv always wanted only one person to know everything der is about me.
4. im not sure who that person is
5. i just have problem being so open?

this are probably excuses to whom it may concern but for me its just good reasons why patience is a virtue.

n yes..i admit. i have trust issues. dont you?

If being in a relationship means :

Pleasing the partner most and others come second.


Then thank you but no thanks. I rather be single.


I know how it’s like to be “the others”.

ur always on hold and no matter what you do.
U will always be second.

Its not a good feeling especially when ur so called close friends does it to you.

Worst part is knowing the so called friend sees the partner everyday n hardly see you but yet that does not matter because everything goes wrong if it isn’t with the partner.


Facts are :

1. Ur just another part of his/her life.

2. The partner is everything.


Thank you so called friend.

( cynically saying).

hell of goodness. enjoyed every second of it.

uox play future- mount kiara indoor arena, 30th may 2009.

when the heart goes ( indescribable feeling) the mind knows that it is a/an ( indescribable thought).

that my dear friend is the best feeling and knowledge one could ever known.

because nothing is more truthful and pure than this emotion and idea can be.

and i am glad i manage to feel and think of such incredible thing.

the most wonderful, extraordinaire and perhaps the most amazing thing in the world. yes?

so i believe.



thank you farhan. :)

its interesting to read hear and see the way the so called youngsters today speak their mind.

the drama, the wittiness, the hatred.

sometimes i laugh.
sometimes i smile.
sometimes i cry.

most of the time i am touched and amazed of how we are all so same yet so different.

have you ever wonder when you said i am all alone if there is someone out there just like you?

because if you look close and deep enough you will realize that u r never alone.


we go through a phase where we will hate we will love we will smile we will cry.

its at the end of the day , when u look back on the journey of life that u ll go.

GOD must have wanted dis all to happen for a reason.

for what was is what i am today.

so live life.

smile cry laugh fight etc.

its life.

enjoy every second of it.

emotionless is never good.

feel it.live it.

it keeps u alive.

:)

and always remember.

life is what you make it.

the house is empty.

the mind is searching.

the soul is losing.

i am gone.



too hurt and stupid to realize the great things standing right infront of me.


i am truly deeply sorry.

ily.

delete the post. life is way tooooooooo short to put on hold.

not pathetic -no need ur sympathy.

go die.

rot in hell.