words are powerful.

choose wisely.

when u want me. i wont stay.

when u need me. i will come.

a lesson learned.

a memory gain.

a future built.

you never loved me enough to stay.

so, i walked away.

can pain go away?

NO.

and thats okay.

for once, i chose to not fight.

when you already know its pointless,

you just stop and say okay.

thank you to all and to everything.

thank you.

am glad i can be your supply of life time laughing stock.

laugh all you want, that just show how awesome i am.

just remember, god is the ultimate judge.

go ahead, mock me.

and if i had one last thing to say is that,

i am sorry.

whatever i went through physically and emotionally,

was never your fault.

i chose to feel and act that way.

so i apologies for blaming it all on you.

it was again never your fault.

you dont have to say everything out loud.

justification is not a necessity.

not to all at least.

if so it is true. let it be.

because i deserve better.

and no, i wont settle for anything less.

in denial, i know.

or

maybe, no leads to memories.

hhmm.

money. so crucial.

help.god.please.

sigh.

ticky tocky tock tock

time is running out.

or maybe, its just begun.

and as the year goes by, i still wait for that day.

maybe its an illusion,

but it keeps me smiling.

my heart is burning. i dont like it.

putting my guard down is highly ranked in my dislikes.

will not make room for anymore absurdity.

POSITIVE THINKING IS GOOD.

*note to self. repeat infinitely.

I DO NOT ADAPT. I DO NOT WANT TO FIT IN.

I WANT TO LIVE THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE.

end of discussion.

i rather see her than see anyone else.

we may not have the best mother-daughter relationship,

i may not be her favorite child,

i may not have made her proud

but am damn sure,

i'll have a decent conversation that somewhat will comfort my soul.

or maybe this is all an illusion.

i just need to know, why dont u take me away like you did to her?

i know i dont deserve to be at the place where she is at now,

but god, if hell was worst than here,

let it be.

at least i know, i deserve something.

i know am no psychic and the future is not a story i can narrate but nonetheless, something i can plan yet again not everything planned will come true however eventually some might say, the things planned is gained one way another just the path might differ a detour some might say but at the end we get what we need and we want and all we have to do is look deeper.

too be honest God, i really dont know what to believe in anymore.

everything seems to be rather vague and pretentious.

things will definitely be different if you were still alive.

but then thats the story i will never find out.

as human, i cant help to want the things i cant have.

because reality is just not the place for me.

not then, not now not ever.

THANK YOU FOR NOT BEING THE (insert word)I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED.

you dont deserve my love and concern as how i dont deserve this heartache from you.

but god has a plan for me, so i vow to pass his obstacles but my heart is no longer available for you.

now you are just an obligation.

two weekends that is filled with inspiring work. one half down. another to go.

its the weekdays that kill the inspiration.

of making it written, an idea lost.

believe stronger.

*eyes shut. make a wish.